Burning Water
by Triple Deluxe
Summary: Dimitri wishes to strengthen the bonds of the three houses, to which Claude suggests a cooking competition between all 24 students to the three leader's agreement. As expected, things go wrong beyond what should be possible.


DATE: MARCH 11th, 2020 (11/3/20)

* * *

There had been many a changes made to the overall behaviour of the residents of Garreg Mach Monastery ever since Byleth Eisner and her renowned father Jeralt Eisner, the Blade Breaker, had arrived by recommended by the ever-jolly Alois, much to Jeralt's dismay.

One example being how, even with the star students this year being unusual to the point of downright weird, Byleth being enrolled as a professor had caused them to become even more so. Strange woman she was, especially being a former mercenary with the emotional capacity of her over-exaggerate leggings. Many were confused and somewhat terrified of her fighting style, rather being absolute victory over noble dueling (Felix was the exception, not the rule), yet they took it to heart as per appreciation that their professor cared about their wellbeing and survival, even through they questioned even now if she was physically capable of showing it.

One blessing Byleth had given them, however, had been the tea parties.

Ever since arriving, she'd shown an interest in only two locations beyond the confines of the Officer's Academy; the jetty to the south, where she could fish for almost the entirety of her free time, as well as the secluded courtyard above the dining hall/entrance, where there lay a collection of tables and chairs, perfect for a tea party.

Such as the one being held right now between Adrestian princess Edelgard von Hresvelg and Faerghan prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.

"Is that truly what happened?" Dimitri gasped, shocked at the tale he had just been told.

Edelgard gave a confident nod as she raised her cup of Bergamot. "Indeed," She giggled. "If you don't believe me, feel free to ask Dorothea; as a former member of the Opera Company, she was a witness." She took a small sip.

Dimitri shook his head, placing down his own cup of Chamomile. He said he liked the smell, but what does that matter to the taste? He sighed. "Listen, it isn't that I do not believe your recount," He assured. "It's just that, well I didn't know people could be so...so…" He strained with every 'so', barely being able to utter the adjective he so desperately wanted to.

Edelgard raised an eyebrow. "Stupid?"

"YES!" Dimitri roared, the table shaking violently from the hand that slapped unto the table. Somehow, despite being directly in front of the Blaiddyd royalty, she didn't budge an inch at his outburst.

Though as soon as he let loose his emotions, he no later recollected himself and sat back down. "My apologies." He muttered, bowing slightly. "But _yes_! I have known that humans as a whole aren't that intelligent, noble and commoner alike, but…" He began struggling again. "This is but a new low I didn't even think was possible! How did he even drop the chandelier from the ceiling in the first place?!"

Another light chuckle. "Much like the dresses being lined with honey, nobody knows."

Dimitri sighed again. "Don't remind me. I couldn't bear to think how badly it would be to have a swarm of flies chasing after you…"

And so the two quietly laughed to themselves, enjoying the company of one another under the bright blue sky and golden sun overhead. It was a good thing there was a few clouds overhead, or otherwise there was a fair chance the two would go back to their respective quarters as red as the Eagle's flag.

Much like the bones of the Black Beast the Lions and Byleth recently defeated, Dimitri broke the silence. "You know," He spoke up...only to not follow it up at all.

Edelgard put her tea back onto the saucer. "Know what?" She poked, curious.

Dimitri cleared his throat, now having the knowledge that Edelgard was interested. "R-Right, sorry." He jittered. "Honestly, I think we need more of…" He started waving his hands around like he was trying and failing to perform a secret code, only for them to be held out wide in front of him. "...this!"

Edelgard brought a hand to herself. "More of me?" She asked.

Dimitri immediately panicked. "N-No no no, that is not- that is _not_ what I meant."

The imperial princess tilted her head. "Then please Dimitri, elaborate."

Dimitri sighed again. If he kept this up, he wouldn't be able to breathe come tomorrow morning. He pushed his tea cup to the edge of the table. "Edelgard, let me ask you something;" He spoke, far calmer than the past couple minutes. "Do you know about the Black Eagles?"

Edelgard looked rather offended at the question. "Of course I know of my _own house_. Do you take me for a fool?"

"Well, I had thought you had alzheimer's when we first met, so it isn't completely out of the question." It wasn't what Dimitri just said that pissed her off, but how _naturally_ he said it. "I'll rephrase: do you know your classmates? Not as fellow students, but as people?"

With the proper question on the table, Edelgard nodded. "But of course." She nodded. "Not _everything_, I might say, but enough that I can converse with everyone rather well on some subject or another." She didn't dare mention Bernadetta and Linhardt tried to avoid such confrontations with their own separate reasons/methods.

Dimitri nodded. "As with myself and the Blue Lions. No doubt Claude follows suit with the Golden Deer." He straightened himself up in his chair. "Now then, do you know about myself?" He asked, hand on his chest.

That was a bit tougher, but she knew she knew enough. "Not _as much_, but enough for us to associate well." She replied with a smile. "Claude's a recluse of his past, but I feel confident in saying the same for him as well."

Dimitri nodded. "As expected." He remarked. "Now then, most importantly, do you know anything about the Blue Lions?"

That one caught her off Edelguard. "Um…"

"Or the Golden Deer?"

"Er…"

No matter how hard she tried to think, or what she tried to recollect, all she could recall was (vaguely) their fighting styles in the mock battle a few months ago. And even then, that was a single _mock_ battle.

She sighed in defeat. "No. No, I cannot."

Dimitri nodded. "As I thought." He gave a sad smile to himself. "Unfortunately, I can but only say the same. "I know next to nothing of the Eagles or Deer. And I'm confident that Claude doesn't know anything about the Eagles and Lions."

"You talkin' shit about me?"

The two gasped in shock at the sudden third voice, only to find Claude hanging from the cover of the tea corner behind Dimitri.

"Claude." Dimitri began.

"Yes, Dima?" Claude acknowledged, crossing his arms.

Dimitri raised an eyebrow at the nickname, but continued on nonetheless. "Is there a reason you are hanging from the cover upside-down?"

Claude looked up from his position to his feet, in which his shoes were clinging onto the top beam for dear life as he played monkey. "I get that a lot." He shot back. "Anyway, you guys gotta talk to Petra; she can _really_ climb shit!"

Edelgard slowly nodded. "Duly noted." She muttered. "Claude, could you please get down from there and talk with us like a normal person?"

Knowing angering her over trivial matters was a waste of time and one's voice box, Claude rolled his eyes...downwards. "Okay, okay, fine." He sighed, hands behind his head.

When he proceeded to pull his weight upwards before doing three backflips and stick the landing with the finesse of Raphael eating a gaggle of shish kebabs, neither of the other two nobles batted an eye. "7/10" Dimitri commented.

Claude crossed his arms. "Everyone's a critic…" He muttered. "Now then, what you talkin' 'bout?" He asked.

Dimitri smiled slightly, gladly taking the opportunity whilst Claude was present with himself and Edelgard. "Tell me Claude, what do you know of the Golden Deer?"

Claude perked up instantly. "Stupidest gaggle I've ever known and I wouldn't have it any other way." He declared, pride beaming from his eyes for once in his life.

If Dimitri was any sign, his smile was contagious. "Excellent!" He cheered. "Now then, what do you know of the two of us?"

Claude switched from a proud coach to an analyzing tactician faster than the two could blink. "Well, you've got something dark from your past that I won't pry into _just_ yet, and Edelgard's trying to analyze just about everyone she meets for reasons I'll never have."

Dimitri wanted to spare Claude the details of that terrible day in addition to keeping the current mood going, so he said nothing as he nodded. "Finally, what do you know of the Eagles and Lions?"

Claude winked and snapped a finger gun to Dimitri's direction. "Jack shit!" He exclaimed with a smile.

Dimitri nodded. "Not even Sylvain's flirtations are as predictable." He turned back to Edelgard. "And there lies the problem. While the three of us may converse due to being future leaders of our respective territories, as well as being the heads of our respective houses, what of our other classmates? How frequently do they interact with one another?"

Edelgard churned her tea with slow movements of her cup. "And what has this to do with anything?" She asked.

Dimitri sighed. "I just have this encroaching fear that each of our factions are going to become more and more distant the less we interact with one another. As far as I can tell, the noble students are to lead the next generation, and even the commoners have such rich potential to become legends among their fellow men."

"I suppose." Edelgard nodded, sipping the last of her Bergamot. "So I take it you wish for each of the students to interact with each other from different houses?"

Dimitri nodded, smiling. "Indeed," He confirmed. "I only wish for our relationships with one another to be positive, for both the present and future."

Claude chuckled. "I respect the optimism, your princeliness." He said. "But there's just one apple left hanging from the tree."

Dimitri turned back to Claude. "And what might that be?"

"How are you going to get everyone together to begin with?"

Dimitri rose a hand and opened his mouth. He then retreated both of them before his head dropped down. After a few seconds, he looked back to Claude. "I will confess; I may have wanted our houses to be less segregated, but I did not think as far as the methodology."

Fortunately, for him, it seemed Claude understood if slapping the prince's back was anything to go off of. "Bah, it's all good Dima. You wanted to help out and it's the thought that counts, yeah?"

Edelgard nodded from the other end. "Indeed. Your intentions were well-meaning for everyone, so I cannot fault that." She was pinching her chin as she concentrated on the table indeed being made of table. "Claude has a point, however; what are we going to do to get everybody together?"

Dimitri was stirring his own cup of Chamomile, deep in thought. Based on his own house, he had one idea. "A tournament?" He offered.

Two certain anti-violence students in mind, Edelgard shook her head. "While I would gladly agree myself, not everybody here enjoys sparring, let alone combat."

Though disheartened at the chance to test the mettle of other students being quashed, Dimitri nodded. "That is fair." He agreed.

Edelgard had an idea swimming in her own head. "A seminar?"

Dimitri shook his own head. "If the likes of Felix are anything to go by, some students would prefer learning on the job rather than quill on paper."

Edelgard was tempted to disagree, but ended up lightly facepalming herself when she remembered Caspar was one of her classmates. Even then, despite her will to learn being quite heavy, she had to admit most students would prefer doing something instead of writing about it.

At the sound of metal scraping on concrete. They noticed Claude had pulled his own seat from one of the unused tables. "You guys are _terrible_ at this." He chastised, leaning over the back support of the chair. Why was the chair backwards?

Edelgard got visibly annoyed, as she did at many of Claude's remarks. "Really?" She replied with sarcasm dripping like the venom on her teeth. "If you're so good at getting a commune together, _please_ offer us one of your incredible ideas you no doubt have schemed up."

Dimitri had his head lying in his hands, which were trying to massage his face. "_Please_ get angry over something else." He groaned.

Claude offered a wink to the Imperial princess. "Oh, don't you worry your pretty little face there princess; like you said, I've got plenty of ideas. It's how the Deer came together, after all!" He quickly stood up and turned his chair back around in one quick motion, sitting back down in it and leaning back. "But I'd rather hear them from your lips, princess."

Edelgard leered. "What are you talking about?" She demanded.

The Sovereign Duke turned to the Faerghan prince instead. "I want you both to tell me something." He requested. "Ignoring your two selections from before, think about something that we could do to bring everyone here together as one single group. And don't think like you would as a student either; think outside the box, think of what we have here at Garreg Mach that could help us achieve that."

Edelgard held a hand out. "Re-"

"Ah ah _ah_," Cluade cut her off. "Don't say a thing. Like I said, using anything at the monastery, think about what we can do to get everyone here together."

After about 20 seconds, Claude clapped his hands. "Alright you two, you get something?"

The two nodded, wondering what the other came up with.

Claude clapped his hands. "Great. Now scrap that idea and never touch it again!"

You could probably read the emotions of Edelgard's axe before herself right about now. "What-"

"As a wise man once said: 'If at first you don't succeed, do it again'." Claude proclaimed. "Alright, ignoring the first idea, let's come up with a different one. One that doesn't require thinking to come up with; something that naturally flows to your head as an idea to help everyone."

After about 35 seconds, the two nodded to Claude, who nodded back. "Excellent. On that note, scrap that one too."

The two other lords blankly stared at Claude after the second ejection in a row. They then turned to stare at each other. And then back to Claude.

"Claude von Reigan," Dimitri muttered. "I don't think I'll ever understand you."

All Claude did in response was waggle his finger from side to side. "Ah, but you see your princeliness, that's a _good_ thing. Well, for me anyway."

Edelgard was subtly growling. "Claude, unless you want to offer something _productive_, I-"

"Alright then, third time's the charm, isn't it?" She was getting _really_ angry with each time he blatantly cut off her venting with another attempt to drive her mad yet again. She wouldn't be surprised if it took one more for Dimitri to snap as well. Huh. She'd actually be able to relate to the prince for once.

Give or take 40 seconds of concentrated brain energy, Claude robbed them of their attention. "Well? How about this time?"

Dimitri paled for some reason. "Oh no."

Claude smirked so far he didn't look that far off an Experimental Demonic Beast. "_Oh yes_." He chuckled. "I know exactly what you're thinking, Dimitri. You too, Edelgard."

Edelgard could only roll her eyes. "A cooking competition, Claude? _Really_?"

Claude nodded. "Really really."

Dimitri brought his head off from his hand, which he'd been shaking in dismay. "First of all, how in the hell did you know that would happen, let alone on the third try?"

Claude cradled his head in his hands crossed behind him. "A true schemer doesn't just reveal his secret sauce, Dima. You should know that."

Indeed, Dimitri had seen that coming. Be it a tactician in battle or a prankster among kin, Claude took his scheming profession far more serious than he dared to utter. He really couldn't either, as him being dedicated to being chivalry incarnate would make him a hypocrite among many other things.

"Right. And as Edelgard said, why a cooking competition?"

Claude placed his arms crossed on the table, leaning in. "Ladies, if there's one thing that everyone here enjoys, it's eating food. Hell, if you look at folks like Raphael and Ingrid, it's practically their personality."

Edelgard was starting to catch his drift, leaning in all the same. "So if we enact a competition to make a commonly-agreed favourite food, everyone can bond over the course of it before, during, and after the competition?"

"Exactly!" Claude confirmed, a finger pointing her way. "Now, what should we make? And who's judging?"

Finally, Dimitri leaned in with them. "We could make it 'anything goes' where the students decide their own dish to make, and we could always ask the professors to fill in as a jury."

He got a noogie from Claude from his efforts. "I like the way you think, Dima!"

"Well thought out." Edelgard agreed.

The three leaned back in their chairs again. "So it's agreed then?" Dimitri declared. "We inform our houses, alert the faculty and begin preparing our own individual recipes for the day?"

Edelgard nodded. "That seems to be the best course of action for an event such as this." She gave a subtle grin. "Just know that I will overcome as the greatest cook of us all."

Claude shook his head. "Don't get too cocky now, princess." He warned. "Get too far ahead and you'll find you missed the goal." He suddenly held a fist out to the middle of the table. "Best of luck, ladies."

Dimitri was confused, both by the fist, as well as the comment. Was he not a male?

When he saw both Dimitri and Edelgard were confused, Claude shook the fist a bit. "Come on, you two," He whined. "Don't leave me hanging!"

Dimitri shook his head with a light chuckle, Edelgard sighing with him as the two brought in a fist to match Claude.

As the three nodded with grins, "Alright you two, remember one important detail," Claude spoke, grabbing the attention of his fellow lords. "Fear the Deer."

Dimitri's grin widened. "Everybody's allowed to dream, Claude."

* * *

**Some may be surprised to see this so unexpectedly, but after learning that an irl friend of mine has been writing on AO3 for years under the name 'foxflowers', I wanted to write her a commission of a fandom of hers as a birthday present. Unfortunately, her B-Day was March 6th, so I'm almost a week late to the occasion (I asked on the day, she responded the next day), and this is the result. I wanted to make a 10K oneshot, but couldn't really organise it as such, so it'll instead be a short story with like, 3/4 chapters. Hopefully it's to the expectations of her and you all alike.**

**Happy Birthday, Saffron.**


End file.
